I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
