why im i the only drunk person in the library?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
