Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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