You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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