I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
