You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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