dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
