My liver just broke up with me...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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