I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
