New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
