The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
