I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
