worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
