Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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