It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
