i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
