It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
