when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
