It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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