Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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