Define "chronic" masturbator.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
