Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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