How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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