So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
