I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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