tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
