I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
there's paper in my vomit.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize