I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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