Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he thought i was a dude.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
