Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
His nipple licking is glorious
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