If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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