Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
