um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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