I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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