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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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