I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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