saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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