Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.