She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
