SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He has the fingertips of a God
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