that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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