So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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