do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
