There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
