I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
