I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
