I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
