Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
