You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
