You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
