Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
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i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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