her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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