I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
