is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
