dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
