I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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