then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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