Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
