I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
