were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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