i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
