I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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