imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
