Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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