i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
