Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
MIDGETS
????
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
