Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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