Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
