I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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