I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
