i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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