I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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