Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
