i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
