All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
