I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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