i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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