dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
