You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
