You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
