Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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