We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
