Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry shutupandlive hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(312): View more from Illinois

Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex

Fav 20 4597 710
share tweet
(718): View more from New York

Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.

Fav 34 4883 899
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(308): View more from Nebraska

whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.

Fav 28 1571 5607
share tweet
(845): View more from New York

They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.

Fav 7 1453 3949
share tweet
(410): View more from Maryland

i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.

Fav 33 4750 1154
share tweet
(517): View more from Michigan

Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.

Fav 9 4502 1132
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(678): View more from Georgia

Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.

Fav 11 4410 1146
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(319): View more from Iowa

Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?

Fav 2 44 57
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(727): View more from Florida

So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.

Fav 0 175 10
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT