R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
